Making Choices When Life Throws One Your Way
Today’s letter is about making choices when life places them in your path. As we journey through life and grow older, we inevitably face decisions—some personal, some professional, and some that deeply affect our loved ones. These decisions can range from the seemingly trivial to the profoundly life-altering. There will be choices that are easy to navigate and others where the stakes feel impossibly high. Some decisions may even close doors that are difficult, if not impossible, to reopen once they’ve shut.
When it comes to making decisions, we have two guiding forces: the heart and the thinking mind. The heart is often clear and resolute, attuned to what it truly desires. On the other hand, the thinking mind is a product of years of conditioning. It is shaped by societal norms, cultural expectations, and the values we absorb during our upbringing. The thinking mind is clouded by judgements, fears, and the inner critic that tells us what we "should" or "shouldn’t" do.
Reflecting on life, it becomes apparent that many of the major elements that define us—our parents, our birthplace, and the circumstances of our upbringing—are not within our control. These foundational aspects significantly influence the way we approach decisions, whether we realise it or not. They form the programming that underpins our choices. In this sense, the idea of free will, as it’s commonly understood, might be closer to a comforting illusion than a tangible reality.
However, while we cannot change these foundational aspects of our lives, we can choose how consciously we approach decision-making. By avoiding the trap of blindly following pre-set beliefs and ingrained patterns, we reduce the risk of amplifying our suffering. Instead, we can turn inward and listen to the quiet, honest voice of our heart. This voice often aligns more closely with our true values and desires, leading to choices that resonate deeply with who we are.
Techniques for More Conscious Decision-Making
I want to share two effective techniques that I’ve recently explored, which can help you make decisions more aligned with your true self.
1. Discovering Your Innate Values
Here’s an exercise I found immensely helpful, and I encourage you to try it—perhaps even use it as a journaling prompt. Start by picking an experience that stands out to you, such as your favourite place to eat, your best job, or a moment that brought you significant joy. Write these experiences down and reflect on why you chose them. Why that particular restaurant? Why that specific job? Why that moment over countless others?
As you examine your answers, you’ll uncover patterns that reveal what truly matters to you. These reflections highlight your core values—those intrinsic priorities that guide your choices, often unconsciously. By bringing them to light, you can use them as a compass to ensure that your decisions align with your authentic self.
2. Exploring the Path You’re Avoiding
The second technique involves reflecting on a specific decision or path you’re considering. Often, the first choice that comes to mind is informed by the conditioned mind—an instinctive reaction based on your ingrained beliefs and habits. While this initial choice might feel logical or safe, it’s worth taking a moment to pause and consider the alternative.
Ask yourself: What is the path I’m avoiding? That avoided option might be the very path that leads to growth, alignment, or fulfilment. By stepping back and examining the resistance, you may discover that the road less travelled is the one you’re truly meant to take.
Final Thoughts
Life’s decisions, whether small or monumental, have the power to shape our journey in profound ways. By listening to your inner voice and approaching choices with awareness, you can break free from the grip of conditioning and move towards a life that feels true to your essence.
Take the time to reflect on what matters to you, and don’t be afraid to challenge the narratives that no longer serve you. In doing so, you create space for decisions that honour your values and guide you towards a more authentic, fulfilling path.
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