Let Our Children Teach Us

A Path to Emotional Resilience

Handling emotions after separation is one of the toughest challenges for us as separated dads. Uncertainty creates anxiety, and separation brings plenty of it. It’s not just about the practical challenges of managing children across two homes—it’s also about the raw, complex feelings that surface.

There’s grief for the relationship that wasn’t, guilt about what you could have done differently, anxiety about the unknown future, and the heaviest of all—the fear that you might not be there for your child in the way you had hoped.

These emotions can feel overwhelming. But instead of shutting them out or forcing yourself to move on too quickly, there’s great value in exploring and expressing them. Interestingly, our children often show us how to do this. They teach us through their play, their art, and their natural ability to embrace emotions without fear or judgment.

Vulnerability as a Path to Growth

In moments of crisis or pain, our natural defences are lowered, offering us a rare chance to connect with our truest selves. This vulnerability can feel frightening, but it is also fertile ground for self-discovery.

As fathers, many of us have been conditioned to believe that showing emotion is a weakness. Yet, suppressing what we feel only deepens the struggle. Instead, we can embrace our emotions—acknowledge them, allow them to surface, and express them creatively.

The Power of Painting

One surprisingly effective way to process emotions is through painting. Painting has the unique ability to bypass the mind’s constant chatter, engage the senses, and provide an outlet for emotions that words might struggle to express.

Children instinctively understand this. Watch a child paint or draw—they don’t overthink it. They dive right in, expressing themselves with complete freedom. There’s no hesitation, no inner critic telling them it’s not good enough. This uninhibited approach is something we can learn from. Here’s a photo of one of my son’s spontaneous drawings to remind us of this natural creativity and emotional connection:

The Beautiful Sunflower

When you pick up a brush—or even use your hands—you create a tangible outlet for emotions that might otherwise feel overwhelming. Here’s a painting I created recently, which I called Tears in Heaven:

Tears in Heaven By Mahdi Kaz October 2024

I used my hands instead of a brush, throwing paint on the canvas to reflect the range of emotions I was experiencing. The bright colours represent hope and possibility, while the darker tones capture sadness and uncertainty. Painting this was a huge release—it allowed me to see and accept my emotions as they were, without judgement.

But painting doesn’t have to be complicated or polished to be meaningful. You could try painting on paper, scribbling with crayons, or simply splashing colours around. These simple acts connect us to our inner child—the part of us that knows how to express freely, without fear or inhibition.

You might find that the act of creating something visual helps untangle emotions you couldn’t quite name. Sometimes, it’s not even about interpreting what you’ve made—it’s about the process of letting go, of putting your emotions into form and seeing them outside of yourself.

Why This Matters

Recognising and expressing emotions, rather than suppressing them, helps us process what we’re going through and move towards acceptance. Painting is one way to make this journey tangible, connecting us with our inner world and providing a sense of release and relief.

You don’t need to be an artist. This isn’t about creating a masterpiece—it’s about expressing what’s inside you.

A Gentle Reminder

I’ll leave you with these beautiful words from Derek Walcott’s Love After Love:

The time will come 
when, with elation,
you will greet yourself arriving 
at your own door, in your own mirror, 
and each will smile at the other’s welcome.

Stay Connected

As dads, we often carry the weight of the world on our shoulders, trying to stay strong for our children while navigating our own emotions. If this piece has spoken to you, I’d love for you to join me on my Substack journey.

By subscribing, you’ll become part of a community of fathers who understand the unique challenges of separation and the importance of staying present—for ourselves and for our kids. I’ll share honest reflections, practical tools, and creative ways to connect with your emotions and your children.

Share with Dads

You’re not alone in this journey. If you know a dad who’s struggling, share this with them—sometimes a simple nudge can make all the difference. Together, we can learn, grow, and support one another through the ups and downs of fatherhood.

Contribute with Your Art

If you’ve created art during a moment of difficulty, please share it in the comments below. You might be surprised by how many people you inspire.

Be kind to yourself. Allow your emotions to guide you. And when you’re ready, share your creations—I’d love to celebrate them with you.

Warmly,
Mahdi